Hummmm ....

Not sure what to post ...... been a long uneventful week ..... without the progress I'd been hoping for.

I'm beginning to believe that my heart just lives in my throat now .... slowly choking me to death. Now there's a pleasant thought ..... ? Can I possibly live another six to eight weeks with this? Looks like I'll have to try.

It's kind of like being all dressed up with nowhere to go. The constant anxiousness ...... the constant waiting. Getting desperate for something positive to happen ..... if it even will.

Feeling borderline lunatic right now. Wanting to scream at the top of my lungs with any and all energy I have left in me. Reaching for the help that aludes me ..... my fingertips stretched as far as possible ..... so close, yet so far.

Would it have been healthier to just let this go?  To free myself from the anticipation of nothing. Will all this emptiness have a fullfilling end? It seems so simple ...... I just want to go to work. That's all.

Scared, confused ...... why did I let these thoughts envelope me? Why did I let them in? Feeling very vunerable, very open to darkness.

That's all.

Peace.  J.