smoking and doing lines since early in the morning.  And I'm sure the guys had shot up some heroin as well.

The lake was pretty .... the sun out.  Children played on the swings in the playground area of the campground.  Stella and I sat on a grassy hill above the action and watched "our men" flirt with other women.  As we sat and watched I got angry .... so did she .... except she knew the outcome of any sort of interruption on our part .... so she sat still and watched. 

The anger / jealousy swept over me so quickly that I did what I did before any rational thinking could occur.  My hands held a fresh beer ..... just opened ..... fresh from the cooler.  I gripped it hard and as hard as I possibly could I threw it .... and it hit him ...... square upside the head.  Stunned that I even hit him (my dad always said I couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a banjo) I sat in shock.  I hear Stella screaming .... "Tom ...... NO!" ...... and the next thing I know the hair is being ripped from my head ..... several blows to the face ..... "You cunt" .... "You fucking cunt" .... the next thing I remember is waking up on the couch at Stella's house. No one ..... not one person came to my aid during the beating.  Children watched ..... their parents watched and Tom's friend held Stella back from jumping on Tom to make him quit.  My head scabbed, tender and sore,
I went home two days later.  Knowing "he didn't mean it" ...... knowing I could "change him" ..... knowing that of every girl he'd done this too, it was me, yes ..... me that would "make the difference".

I made it out alive.  Mentally scarred forever ..... but healed to some degree. Any fast movement on Dave's part today ...... still can make me duck ..... even though he has never ever laid a hand on me.  And my self-esteem permantely damanged as well.  I've thought a lot about this lately due to the coverage of the Jessie Davis case.  I hope they hang this bastard just as they did Scott Petersen.  This man was a pig. 

My mind is becoming boggled now .... and I need to stop re-living ..... pray for Jessie and her family.  Her unborn child and her two year old. 

Peace.  J.