I joined Mindsay back in July not really knowing much about this blogging thing. I soon realized that it was a good way to not only express my thoughts and feelings but to see there were others out there like me. I have suffered from depression and have been treated for depression on and off for the last 11 years. Back in July I had lost my job of 2 1/2 years....I waitressed in a local restaurant. I had blown out my elbow ... an injury that occured over many years of bartending & waitressing. And on top of that my boss and I were starting to really rub each other wrong. I went from making approx. $400.00 (give or take a few bucks) a week to $71.00 a week on unemployment. So that along with other stuff just took me down to rock bottom - knowing that jobs in this area are few and far between. Especially jobs  that you can make more than minimum wage. Our county has the highest rate of unemployment in CA. Why?  NO FREAKING JOBS....! Anyway...getting far off track here...

I soon found others just as depressed as I in here. And more so. I became consumed with others depressions as well as my own. And I became particularly friendly with someone in here who was understanding, caring & always had kind words and understood what I was going through. He was going through the same only much more serious issues than me for sure. To make a long story short we had a disagreement, a misunderstanding... I am not really sure anymore and it really does not matter. Rather than continue to rant and argue and continue to be hurt by words from someone I barely new....I ran. There may be a few who pop in here (although I doubt it) that will remember me as JustJewels. And I am coming out now because I don't want to be worried anymore or afraid of someone I don't know.

I refuse to be depressed anymore. I will not let my depression win. I have had the opportunity to meet some good people in here. tattooedjen & burl235 are two awesome folks. Their humor, good recipes, and love for each other inspire me.They make me realize that there is good things going on in here. Oh, and my newest friend (I hope she doesn't mind) nudgegirl. She seems very nice & funny.

I am vowing to just stay away from depression blogs, suicide blogs, death blogs.....no more. At first I felt they helped and now think they just suck me in. I know this person I was speaking of before caused a lot of hurt in here...attacked a lot of good people. And now he has led us all to believe he has killed himself...maybe he has..we will never know but as of right this second I am releasing this burden from my soul as well. His issues were his own. And I honestly hope whether dead or alive he can finally find peace.

There....I feel better now.  One more thing....I have been feeling great lately.  I have another job (making minumum wage) and it's ok.  Have another interview tomorrow with our local health club. Maybe it will offer more than what I'm making now. Wouldn't take much.

As I said before...depression will not win...I won't let it.  Peace....Jewels