Back from Dr.'s visit.

Guess what?

I'm depressed.

I have med's.  One's I'm not thrilled about.  But the only thing my poor man's insurance would pay for.  Prozac.

Side effect:  Suicidal thoughts .... why do you prescribe something like this to a depressed individual?

I was hoping for maybe a short hospital stay .... mainly to get away from here in a controlled environment.  And people to talk to  - unbiased.  Regroup my coping skills.  But I was not willing to say that I was going to hurt myself or someone else.  Because I'm not quite that far down. As I told the doctor....I'd be lying if I said thoughts hadn't occured, but my acting on them is not an issue at this point in time. 

So I'm home .... tomorrow I will start my own intensive therapy.  Lot's of reading - mostly self - help books.  Lots of exercise.  Lots of meditating.  I've been through this before .....

The one good side effect is weight loss as opposed to weight gain.  My last med's made me gain 30 pounds.  Major OUCH!

I am also vowing to try and get back to more positive posts.  And not posting at all on bad days.  I feel better knowing that I may really feel better soon.

Thanks for putting up with me.

Peace.  J.